Romantics vs Enlightened
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Stop me if you've heard this one; Star goes to Gravity falls- Yadda, Yadda! What will happen when consequences truly are faced? The past is rewritten and an Empire will rise from the ashes of all who fell... Collaborated by Wolvenstrom. Starco, Wendip, Tyifica
1. Chapter 1

**Romantics v.s. Enlightened**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **AN: Most of the dialogue of this chapter was written by Wolvenstrom**

...

Stop me if you've heard this before.

My name is Dipper Pines.  
... DON'T actually stop me there. Trust me it's not the same old.

The girl next to me who looks ready to throw up is my twin sister Mabel.

"CHOCOLATE FUDGE SYRUP…

"With *Hurp* sprinkles." Mabel mumbled

"...WITH SPRINKLES BLAST!"

The other girl next to me blasting said horror with pressurized confectioneries is Star Butterfly. She's a magical princess from another dimension.

The last part needs context and is probably more interesting than the rest of what I'm about to tell you, so I'll leave that to the end so you don't tune out everything else.

* * *

It all started on the first day of summer. Our parents got it into their heads that we spent too much time in the house and needed some fresh air. So they decided to send us to live in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere, in a little known town named 'Gravity Falls'

What we didn't know was that the day before, our long lost uncle had already made arrangements with another couple who were having the same thoughts as our parents.

"Ok. You mind running that by me again?"

The couple standing in front self professed Man of mystery rolled their eyes.

"We are King River and Queen Moon Butterfly."

"Queen Moon and King River Butterfly dear."

"Right right. Queen River and King Moon Butterfly of the magical land. Here to bestow upon you the guardianship and responsibility over our daughter."

"The future queen Star Butterfly."

"The poor dear has recently came into a rather important heirloom, which unfortunately due to her…...eagerness has resulted in a rather tenuous situation back home."

"So we decided that she might benefit from some time away from home. For the sake of self betterment."

"Uh huh." Stan look bored. Like he was watching one of those cheesy old sci-fi movies he'd seen fifty times yet Soos insisted they watch. "So basically you gave a kid whose probably one candy bar away from diabetes a box of matches, get surprised when something catches fire, then decide to ship her off to as far away as possible before the locals lynch her"

The opulently dressed couple glance at each other.

"In so many words."

"River!"

Stan stares at the two, moving his line of sight over to the girl in the fro-fro gown who was staring at the 'gen-u-ine' mermaid skeleton he had on the mantelpiece with starry eyed wonder.

"Any reason you two decide on most isolated house in quite possibly the most isolated town in the country?"

"And I mean beyond 'If she burns it down, it's only one house with one old man'."

"This has the highest concentration of extra normal activity in your country. While placing Star in what passes for a 'normal' population center on this planet might draw un-needed attention. Here anything Star is likely to do can simply be passed off as one of the town's many mysteries."

"You being the notorious 'man of mystery' of this town. We had assumed that you would be uniquely suited to handling Stars needs."

Stan leaned back in his chair. Twirling a pen between his fingers like a pro while he Rubbed his chin, which he only ever did when he wanted to look like he was in deep thought.

"See. Here's the thing. I'd certainly 'like' to help you folks out. But you see this " He gestures to the entire room in all it's peeling wallpapered, foul smelling rugged, cobwebs in every corner glory "Is hardly suitable accommodations for a 'princess'. And while I'm sure your 'little darling' would love to live in my museum of wonder for a period of time you have yet to disclose. I'm afraid I simply can't afford it."

The shorter man snapped his fingers.

The door opened and a large, old timey chest was lifted in.

Stan was out of the chair and hugging the container like a life line before anyone even had to open it. Practically smelling the precious metal inside.

"Does five times your weight in gold sound about right?"

"Well I 'suppose' it will do. This should just barely cover the bill I suppose. Welcome to the mystery shack kid. You will not regret this"

"YAY! I get to spend two months in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere!" If anyone else n the history of forever had said that then it would have been a sarcastic statement. Star however was physically incapable of sarcasm.

The moment the royals were out of site. Stan yelled back into the house.

"Soos. Get the Raccoon's out of the guest bedroom."

"But you said anthony and his family could stay until your great niece and nephew arrive. Little guy got kicked out of his burrow."

"Wait, what?"

"OH SHIIIIIIIIII"

Star smiled up at him

"...IIIIIIIIEEEERBERT! My love of enormous piles of money made me forget about the kids!"

* * *

Dipper and Mabel were rather grateful that their great uncle had the foresight to send someone to help them with their luggage, seeing as Mabel had cam e to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to get anymore arts and craft supplies while here so had taken it upon herself to stuff enough wool, glitter and colored paper to last all summer into the case.

Dipper had been enjoying, and not enjoying a seemingly unending series of surprises over the past few days.

Finding out he was going to be spending summer living/ working at his great uncles barley standing shack in the middle of po-dunk nowhere was certainly a bad one. While the cute cashier in the gift shop was a pleasant one.

Finding a mysterious book of mystery started out as a hugely pleasant one, but as he went over every page a chill slowly crept further and further up his spine. Zombies, Poltergeists, wood giants, gnomes, witches...and more. They all lived within spitting distance of the town deep within the woods, and the house itself was practically 'in' it. It thrilled the mystery hunter inside him, and positively terrified the little boy outside of him. His inner self had one put, but he knew he'd be careful and not jump at every shadow, because that's attracts shadow jumpers.

However even with all the varying levels of surprise he'd been bombarded with, Star Butterfly took the cake.

I mean, why would anyone 'pay' to have their daughter live at the Mystery Shack?

Dipper stared at the rainbow the 'magic princess from another dimension' had made with a wave of her hands. At least until Soos sprayed it with a fire extinguisher.

Star wasn't pleased "Heeeey. It didn't go up this time!"

The radical handyman shrugged "It was probably gonna."

Star huffed "Was not!"

Wendy looked at her over her magazine.

Star dropped her head "Ok yeah, it probably was."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Everyone grabbed their ears in pain.

A nearby window cracked.

The statue of shardapus, the totally real monster squid made up of broken glass that hunts those that break bottles instead of recycles them turned into powder.

Mabels brain caught up with her body, and the girl that had been holding her cheeks in an expression of pure childlike wonder for the past 30 seconds let out an ear piercing squeal.

"-EEEEEEEE! ICANTBELIEVEITYOURAREALMAGICPRINCESSOHTHISISTHEBESTDAYEVERTAKE METOYOURFAIRYKINGDOMSOWECANALLRIDEUNICORNSANDEATMARSHMALLOWSINCHOCOLATEWATERFALLSANDWHEREBIGPOOFYDRESSESANDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACK! **HACK** **COUGH** **COUGH** "

Everyone watched the be-sweatered girl double over and start coughing up a lung. Holding her mid section while her brother rubbed her back.

"See, this is why you couldn't go to that Oh Boyz concert back home."

...

 **Glossaryck** slapped his face and turned to **Omnitraxus Prime**... "For the love of pudding- ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS MAKE SURE THAT STAR ENDED UP IN ECHO-CREEK!" He shouted angrily as he gestured to the now tangled mess of a timeline...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Romantics v.s. Enlightened**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xlibris is the publishing company.  
**

...

 **AN: Most of the dialogue of this chapter was written by Wolvenstrom**

...

'Blendin' smirked as he dropped the containment sphere, shattering it. He laughed, tearing off his glasses revealing his demonic eyes. Bill Cipher was free now! He snapped his fingers, causing Mable to flop down and-

Glossaryck paused the image and groaned. He looked at all the countless possible futures before him, "It was bad enough you DIDN'T get Star to Echo Creek...you could've messed up and sent her to Afghanistan, Cuba, Silent Hill or even the dimension of cats with human faces...but NO! You had to send her to the WORSE, POSSIBLE PLACE!"

Omnitraxius Prime was the guardian of the multiverse and one of the most powerful beings in existence..but right now he felt like a child being yelled at by the principal...

"But I-

"I mean seriously!? Sending the heir to the butterfly throne to GRAVITY FALLS!? Why not mix oil and water while your at it!?" Shouted Glossaryck.

"If I could just-

"And on top of everything, you send her during the summer Bill Cipher tries to make his comeback! So that's flutzed up too!"

Indeed, had things gone their normal path Bill would've been trapped long enough by this towns 'weirdness vacuum' allowing the ever cliched 'motley crew' to end him once and for all...but that wasn't happening now.

With Star here...the weirdness barrier was gone...if anything the towns weirdness vacuum would be going in REVERSE now just to get ride of her!

He watches a possible future of Bill escaping Gravity Falls immediately after his assuming physical form and destroying the universe...keeping Star alive only long enough to help him do so...before forcing her to watch all of Mewni be destroyed-

"I RIGGED IT SO SHE WOULD ALWAYS END UP WHERE MARCO WAS! YOU TOLD ME THAT WAS THE MAIN PRIORITY SO THAT'S WHAT I DID!" Shouted Omnitraxius finally.

Glossarycks eye's went wide. "Wait, Marco's here too?" He flipped through the 'channels'...and sure enough there was Marco dragging his suitcase from the Gravity falls bus stop to his Abuileta's house.

Suddenly...the future wasn't quite so bleak. Glossaryck took a deep breath..."Okay...not ideal, but with Marco here...we have a CHANCE." But that alone wouldn't be enough...a couple more things needed a bit more of a tweak-

He takes a brief glance back at the screen showing Mable giving up the rift to Bill, "That needs to NOT happen for one thing, sorry sweetie but your about to get a big old reality check right up the keister!...and your bro-bro to a lesser extent."

...meanwhile...

 _"Grrrreeeeaat a teenage version of Mable...maybe I could sleep in the woods?"_ Thinks Dipper to himself. Mable meanwhile; jumps onto Star. "ADOPT ME!" She screams.

"RUN!" Dipper shouts at a bewildered Star. Thinking quickly, Star distracts her with creating a whole bunch of laser-puppies.

"We're NOT keeping them." Insists Stan flat out as one destroys his Fez.

While Mable begs and pleads with Stan, Dipper and Star manage to sneak away. Dipper turns to Star, So...can I ask you a bajilion questions about you, Mewni, your culture, magic, religion, society etc." He asks excitedly.

Star just looks at him overwhelmed, "How about I just give you family's spellbook instead?" "DEAL!" Shouts Dipper excited.

...

While Dipper is gushing over his latest addition Wendy and Soos are forced to help Stan clean out the raccoons- and they are bitters!

"Dose my head look swollen?" Asks Soos with a head now twice it's size. Wendy naturally tries to sneak out of the room.

"Oh, no! If I'm suffering through this, so is everyone!" Shouts Stan as he drags Wendy back. "Including me!?" Shouts Star excitedly. "Meal tickets excluded." States Stan simply.

"Well, I want to help anyway- RODENT REPELLING CHEESE BLAST!" The Room is quickly filled with light, fire and screams.

...Five minutes later...

Stan Climbs over the ruined remains of the room, "Well the good news is that none of us have horrible cheese related injuries...well except for Soos."

Pan to Soos, whose was currently gnawing on one of his now cheese flavored arms. "Hey. The quality of this cheese more than makes up for a few dozen self-inflicted bite marks dawg."

Stan stares at the now half-cheese man-child, "...I think I've found my new attraction!" He shouts! "I think I've gone blind..." Says Soos. "NEW ATTRACTION!" Shouts Stan again.

Wendy coughs out soot, "I want hazard pay..." "NOT HAPPENING!" Shouts Stan in a happy way.

...the next day...

Glossaryck just smirks, as anticipated he didn't even have to do anything. "Wherever there's a Star...the hoodie will Shirley follow..." He stated profoundly

"Having a nosy Abuileta obsessed with matchmaking doesn't hurt either." States Omintraxius. "No, it dose not." Agreed Glossaryck.

"Hi, I'm Marco Diaz. Jesus's cousin. Apparently I'm here to fill in from him as he recovers from- looks at letter -cheese poisoning and rabies? What?" Says the Latino boy as he re-reads the letter to make sure he read it right

Dipper nodded, "Hi. I'm Dipper and the girl looking at you with an expression I've seen twice a day since we hit twelve is my sister Mabel. Were staying at the shack for the summer."

Mable giggled as she gave a girly wave at the Latino. "And the girl with the toy wand?" Asked Marco. Star chuckled, "I'm Star Butterfly. Mag...

"She's a magical princess from another dimension." Says Dipper flatly, hopping to prevent yet another emergency clean-up of the room.

Marco just chuckles. "Hee. Good one."

Dipper sighs but bows to the inevitable and turns to Star with a nod. The girl grins widely and returns the nod before holding her wand gently out in front of her with her tongue out. A small flash of light later and a tiny whale pushes out of the wand and floats up to Marco's stunned face.

"Hello." Says the whale in a high squeaky voice...before popping like a balloon and leaving the Latino boys face covered with it's pink frosting insides.

Marco remains frozen unmoving. Star walks up to him, "Umm...Marco? You al-

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! YYYYEEEAAAAGGGHHHHHH! OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHAAAAA!" Screams Marco frantically.

Stan pokes his head in and sees him screaming, "You went with the whale didn't you?"

"...Mabel liked it." Said Star in a quick deapan. Mabel walks over to the screaming boy, swiping a finger over his frosting covered hoodie and eats it. "Mabel still does!" She shouts happily.

Marco -still screaming- runs out of the Shack. Star is told by Stan that Soos won't get paid if he doesn't comes back. Still feeling bad about yesterday, she runs after him.

Dipper frowns, "Wait...couldn't she have just taken over Marco's shift?"

Stan shrugs, "Yeah, but that 'safety boy' seriously needs to get laid- "WHAT!?" Screams Mable horrified. "I said I'll make sure Soos gets PAID!" He lies quickly...

Dipper takes the opportunity to go to his room to study both of his new books...

...

Marco run's back to Abuileta's house and boards up the door behind him. Quickly taking this moment to catch his breath...Marco tries to rationalize what just happened. "Alright Marco...think realistically here. There's no way what you saw was magic! Your smart, you can think of a better explanation!"

It was then that a cloud with a smiling face wandered by. "Hi." It squeaked as it floated away. Marco paled. The girl was in his house..talking with his Abuileta.

"Ah, sweetie! Come over here, I was just talking to your friend! Until Stan can clean out the cheese, she'll have to stay with us a bit!"

"Wha- I- Who-" Babbles Marco overwhelmed.

Abuileta leans over to whisper, "I'm so happy you've found a girl! And so will your parents! They were REALLY starting to worry about EVER getting Grandchildren- And me Great-grandchildren!"

Marco flusters, "Wha- I'm Fourteen!" Abuileta just shakes her head sadly, "My boy...I love you...but you stink with girls...not as bad as Soos, thank the good lord...but still terrible..."

It takes all of Marco's will power to not scream at his Grandmother in frustration...but he clamps down, realizing he needed to focus on the bigger issue...namely the walking time bomb that had just entered his life.

"I'm still only fourteen!" He insists annoyed.

In a gentle voice Abuileta simply said: "Voy a vivir más tiempo que las montañas si eso es lo que se necesita para ver que me dan bisnietos."

Marco looked at her terrified, it was almost a blessing when Star interpreted. "Hey, your grandma told me how you liked nachos! well here you go! NACHO STORM!"

...suddenly marco was covered in nachos rained down from a storm cloud. Star looked on in horror, "I- I'm so sorry-

"Está bien querido ... la descarga accidental entre las chicas es más común de lo que piensas ..." Says Abuileta flatly. Marco turns scarlet, "GAH! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS! All of you...just...JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!" He shouts as he storms out of the house...nacho cloud quickly following him...

Star just watched him leave sadly...

...

Meanwhile, Dipper was just returning to his room- snack and soda in hand -happily expecting a nice, relaxing evening of reading the-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY JOURNAL!?" Indeed, a small cloaked thing was grasping onto his journal and flying out of his room! Dipper ran after it as it fled the Shack.

Suddenly mable popped up, "Hey Bro-Bro! Great timing! There's someone I want you- "Not now Mable!" Shouts Dipper as she pushes past her to flee after the journal that was now flying into the woods.

Mable huffed, "Geez, rude much?" She shrugged, "Fine, I won't introduce you to my new flame. See if I care!" She retorts sharply. "Come on Norman, let's kick it!" The odd, zombie-like teen lumbered after her obediently...

...

Marco stands outside the Stop & Slurp, nacho storm cloud still over him. "Here he comes. Here he comes. Hey, brother, do me a solid! Refill this for me!" An innocent civilian runs inside the store to get away from Marco.

"They won't let me back inside because I'm soooooggyyyyy!" He shouts. A mother and her son come out of the store. "Did you bring me my refill?!" Demands Marco. The mother and son quickly walk away. "Don't make eye contact." Whispers the mother.

Marco noisily chews on a bar of chocolate. "You come to my house, you bring toilet paper!" He shouts.

Star suddenly appears behind Marco. "Wa-ha! Whoa! What are you doing here?" He shouts surprised. Star makes the raincloud disappear. "I didn't get a choice about coming here to Earth, and you didn't get a choice about having to deal with me." She explains.

Marco's angry expression softens. "I'll... I'll find another place to live." She says sadly. Marco's expression turns from regretful to nervous as he sees something behind Star. "S-S-Star?" He stutters unnerved.

Star turns around. Ludo and his minions are seen behind them. "Star Butterfly! At last, I've found you!" Shouts Ludo. "Ludo! How did you know I was here?" Exclaims Star.

Ludo chuckles, "Wouldn't you like to know?" "Yes. That's why I asked." Explained Star. "Well, Buff Frog—hey! I don't have to tell you anything! Get her!" Shouts Ludo.

Star brings up her wand, ready to fight the oncoming monster horde-

 **BOOM!**

Only for it to be crushed by a giant head from above!? "!hsirep woN !emoh ym detaloiv ev'uoY !mucs citnamoR" It screams.

"Huh, well that's new." Says a slightly weirded Star as she and a(semi-reluctant) Marco prepare for the fight of their lives...

...

Dipper looks up at the Journal...in The ' _ya-te-veo'_ tree...or in laymen terms: A man-eating plant that has "stems" that resemble "many huge serpents in an angry discussion, occasionally darting from side to side as if striking at an imaginary foe'.

"Well that's just dandy." Groaned Dipper. Not having much choice, he looks through Star's spellbook...and finds a spell that helps lumberjacks fight trees- apparently created by Queen Lumberjane the tea sipper.

 _"Wait...didn't Wendy mention being a lumberjack?...this is perfect!"_ As Dipper ran away to get the red-head...a hidden Glossaryck just shook his head at the scene.

 _"Sorry to do this to you kid, but you need to learn that lesson you learned from raising the dead to 'impress' those agents NOW and not later...also, I think it's time our Not-so-leading lady get a promotion from side-character, don't you think?"_ He thinks while munching pudding...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
